Pedestrians Prohibited

This is the sign I saw down in San Bruno, just before my goofy interview with the self-involved yuppies of YouTube. Are there any two words that better describe life in the good ole US of A? I was trying to walk off a case of nerves and jitters about a half hour before my interrogation, and also scouting out the area a bit. I suppose this part of the Bay Area would indeed be perfect for those commuting in their angry, boxy cars. There is an impersonal ‘shopping plaza’ located right near the offices of YouTube. I walked a circle all around it, skirting the edges of the highway. The sidewalk narrowed at some point, to a dead end, where the ‘Pedestrians Prohibited’ sign was ominously planted. In other words, “get out of the way, you miserable little worm, or you will be run over by the almighty automobile, and you will have deserved it!” I shrugged my shoulders and walked the other way, towards the awful fumes emanating from the sad little eateries dotting the plaza. I think Americans should name these plazas ‘auto marts.’ They do in Italy, actually. They were called ‘Autogrill’ and were pretty impressive structures, towering high and mighty above the freeway, as if the Italians were saying ‘good food rules here, not cars!’ I absolutely looked forward to the tasty grilled panini they sold at these establishments. Ah, those were the days...

Having been back in the US for a good eleven years now, I am still not used to having to be so wary on my walks around the city. Of course, like any good pedestrian, I wait for the lights before crossing. That goes without saying. I know drivers must be frustrated in my hood, ‘The Loin’ as it’s affectionately called. The bums just venture out onto the street as if it were their very own living room. I imagine that would indeed be nerve-wracking. But more often than not, some red-faced driver is there, boiling at the collar because I don’t ‘sprint’ to the finish at the other side of the crosswalk. Actually, if someone is in constant 'rage' mode, would that not be a major cause of heart disease?! I walk at exactly the average human speed of 3.2 miles per hour, thanks very much. And that is the speed at which I will cross the street – no faster and no slower. So the driver can just go ahead and have his or her meltdown. We’ve all got places to go.

Is it naïve to hope that one day, pedestrian traffic and auto traffic will be completely separate, not interacting whatsoever? It sure would bring me tremendous peace of mind and ease of spirit. If drivers want to be on a constant power trip, they can race each other! Yee haw! That’s the Murkan spirit! Have your road rage. I will keep walking. It’s such a natural and normal activity, and if I understand correctly, it took our species quite a while to even evolve into a standing position so we could grab those sweet fruits in the trees and walk while we hold hands. Nice imagery, no?

This weekend my sister will pick me up in her car, so we can drive somewhere to take a walk. We might even do another historical walking tour! How about that? She now has a very efficient, modestly sized VW and takes the attitude that many Europeans do, that it is merely a way to get from point A to point B. She once had a Saturn, which ended up dented as a result of a run-in with an insane, drunk elderly woman in Daly City. Then she went on to purchase a Scion, in which she experienced a near fatal accident as a result of its notoriously piss-poor brake system. Can anyone say ‘class action lawsuit?’ Oh yeah, I forgot, the Supreme Court is right at this very moment trying to remove our rights to sue in a class action. Silly me! Why would I think the rights of citizens would ever be defended? At any rate, my sister is happy with this car. But never at any time does she use it as an excuse for her feet to never touch ground. She puts it in its right place, as we all should with material things. She certainly doesn’t worship it. I think that’s the healthy way to be. So here’s to overall good health, better muscle tone, clearer minds and better immune systems. All brought to you courtesy of that most simple of bipedal activities…. Walking!